


Big Brother

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Mass Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 00:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11634822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Reiner had always been the big brother of the group of four from Marley after Marcel's death. He simply had the charisma needed to lead them. But as Reiner's mind slowly erodes away under illusions, it's up to Bertolt to drag him back to reality.Lots of angst. Oneshot Bertolt x Reiner (non yaoi)





	Big Brother

****

Their mission was simple: destroy the walls, exterminate the Eldians within the walls, and obtain the power of the Founding Titan from within the walls. Such a simple task, yet so difficult. Left in the hands of 4 children, things were bound to go wrong somewhere. Regardless of the fact they were chosen by the Marley government for this mission, they are still children. Bertolt, Reiner, Annie, and Marcel. Four best friends, sent on a mission to essentially commit mass murder. Not something a normal child would do. But they’re warriors. Being warriors, they will see their mission through to the end, regardless the cost.

When Marcel died, a piece of the group died with him. While Reiner was like the big brother of the group, Annie was the ever-serious anchor, Marcel was the happy-go-lucky one, and out of the other two, Bertolt was closer to him. Both he and Reiner constantly looked to Marcel to brighten up each of their dreary days. Without him, Bertolt lost a part of himself. Reiner didn’t seem affected much by it, but Bertolt could never get over it, no matter how hard he tried. Marcel’s death only resulted in one good thing: the ever-firm resolve to complete their mission, for their fallen friend’s sake.

So, there Bertolt stood, in front of Wall Maria, the gate to Shiganshina. His task was simple: break down the wall so Reiner could go in and break the inner gate, allowing them to get into Wall Rose, to continue breaking through the walls. Such a simple task, yet so difficult. His conscience weighed heavy on him. He couldn’t do this, even for Marley’s sake.

“I can’t do this, Reiner.” He turned to his best friend, collapsing on the ground.

“Come on Bert. Remember our mission.” Reiner kneeled down, placing a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder. Annie turned away, watching the approaching titans.

“I can’t. All these people… How many lives are we going to uproot today? Even if they’re evil people, they’re still people.”

Reiner sighed. “You’ve always had such a huge conscience. Come on Bert. We’re doing this for the sake of our people okay? We’re warriors. And no matter what, I’ll be here for you.”

Bertolt looked up at his friend, who smiled reassuringly back. Yes, he believed those words. He believes Reiner would always be the strong one, taking care of all of them. He wanted them to stay together forever.

Taking a deep breath, he bit down hard on his hand, triggering the titan transformation. This would be over quickly. Shutting his eyes, he reels his foot back, and kicks the gate as hard as he can. He bends down to release himself from his titan form, and Reiner is nowhere to be seen outside the gate. Titans have already gathered outside the gate while he was busy. Annie had just finished calling them over, long disappeared by herself into the wall.

He runs into the gate, straight into the mass of scared, chaotic people. “Reiner?” he calls out. “Where are you, buddy?” he looks around frantically like a lost child, which in all honesty, he is. He ducks behind a house near the inner gate, barely avoiding a passing titan.

“Bertolt! I’m here!” there! He can hear Reiner’s voice. Turning around, he sees the larger boy running towards him with Annie, like his saviour in the chaos. “I ran all the way here once you opened up the gate. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Bertolt stares at his friend, dumbstruck. Why was he waiting for him? As if he could read Bertolt’s mind, Reiner spoke. “I wanted to make sure you were safe before we continued. Get ready both of you, it’s gonna be a rough ride.”

Without any warning, Reiner bit down on his lip, triggering his own transformation. A 15m tall, armour-clad titan. Bertolt stared at his friend in awe. No matter how many times he saw it, it continued to amaze him how a huge armour-clad body of a titan could belong to such a young child. The titan reached down a hand towards him and Annie, and they climbed on without a second thought. He looked into Reiner’s eyes for any kind of response, and a reassuring pair of eyes stared back at him. He interpreted them to say _“I’m not going to let you get hurt.”_ They both nodded, the titan’s palm sealed, and Bertolt hung on for dear life as Reiner began running. It was a bumpy ride, but as promised, he didn’t get hurt.

When he opened his eyes, Bertolt found himself on the ground. Looking up frantically, he was scared to say the least. “Reiner? Where are you?” he begged, for the second time today.

“Oh good. You’ve woken up.” Reiner was sitting right opposite him. In his panic, he couldn’t even see what was in front of him. Calming himself down, he looked up to see shelter above his head.

“Reiner... Where are we?” he started, voice shaky. He had a habit of sweating a lot when he’s nervous, and that was happening right now.

“Calm down Bertolt. We’re in a shed near the entrance of Wall Maria. I found you’d passed out after I’d broken through, and there was this abandoned shed near the gate, so I brought you here. You’ve been out for about 5 hours now.” In spite of the situation, Reiner was surprisingly calm. He had a natural calmness for any situation.

 

 

“Where’s Annie?” Bertolt was still processing his surroundings upon waking up, but he could instantly tell their female companion was not around.

“She went ahead first into the second layer of the walls. Said something about needing to scout. I told her I’d stay here to take care of you.” Reiner deadpanned, not bothering to make eye contact with Bertolt.

“How are we going to get to the next wall?” Bertolt tried to ask. He knew they had to get there soon, or they’d be in big trouble since they were in titan territory, regardless of the fact they were shifters.

“Hate to say this Bertolt, but we’re kinda stuck. All the people evacuated and left while you were out.”

“…What?” no. No, this can’t be. They can’t be stuck in the middle of titan territory. They were supposed to get to the centre of Paradisia, and complete their mission. It is only their first day in the walls and things are going haywire. Bertolt buried his head in his hands. He just knew this was not going to turn out well.

“Hey, calm down Bertolt.” Reiner lifted his head to meet his. “We’ll get through this together, ok? As long as the both of us are together, we’ll be able to get through this. Promise.”

Bertolt wanted so much to believe in those words. And a part of him did. As long as he’s with Reiner, they’ll be safe. They’ll get through whatever mess they land in. Because that’s what best friends do together.

-

The nightmares just kept coming. Screams, people running in fear, blood everywhere. They plagued Bertolt every day. They always ended the same: him standing frozen while watching Reiner get eaten by a titan. He’d always wake up drenched in sweat, today was no different. He woke up panting, shooting up from his position.

“Bert, you okay?” Reiner would always ask the same question when he wakes up from his nightmares. At least he cared.

“I’m fine.” Same response as always. He doesn’t want to burden Reiner with his problems. Reiner must be feeling some kind of guilt too, about what they did. He tried to hide his emotions, but they continued to eat him up inside. Bertolt wonders how long he can keep up his façade.

“Bert, if there’s anything bothering you, you have to tell me. We’re in this together. I don’t want you getting hurt.” He likes that. He needs someone to reassure him every now and then, and that someone is Reiner. Because even if he’s a monster, he’s still just a child. They both are.

They travelled through the open fields of Wall Maria for 2 weeks, barely avoiding passing titans each time. They both saw the death march of the citizens of Maria. Bertolt broke when he saw them. He knew, they’d sent hundreds of thousands of citizens to their deaths because of what they did. He couldn’t go on. Stopping inside a sturdy looking farm house, he plopped himself on the floor, curling up into a foetal position. Reiner could only look on. He couldn’t do anything to help his friend.

“Bertolt, come on. We’ve been here for 2 days now. We have to get a move on.” Reiner pressed. Bertolt had barely moved since they went into the house. He didn’t eat much either, only tiny bites of bread or whatever food they’d found.

“Leave me here. Just go on without me.” Bertolt mumbled, solemn as ever.

“If I leave you here, the titans are going to eat you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t deserve to live anyway. I sent all those people to their deaths. I’m nothing more than a monster.”

“Come on Bertolt. Get a hold of yourself. Remember why we’re doing this. For the sake of our people. For Marcel’s sake.” Reiner tried his best to sound convincing, but that’s not a very sound argument.

Bertolt looked up at his friend. He’d forgotten why he’d done that horrible act in the first place. Yes, it was for the sake of their home, Marley. They were taught from young that they would have to do anything for their home, to be allowed to continue living. But he didn’t care about that. He wanted to protect Reiner and Marcel. That’s all he’s ever been interested about, even if Reiner’s currently the one protecting him. He knows someday, he’ll be able to return the favour.

They make it into Wall Rose after another week of walking, blending in with the remaining refugees from Maria. Bertolt has somewhat recovered from the guilt, so they are able to do some info recon. The target in mind possessing the power of the Original Titan are apparently some family called the “Reiss family”, high-ranking nobles, well protected by the Military Police. The only way to infiltrate them is to become part of the Military Police itself. It is when they find this information that Reiner decides to join the trainee corps, for the chance to get into the Military Police. Bertolt slightly doubts this decision, but he doesn’t have a better plan, so he’ll go along with whatever Reiner does, regardless of how stupid it may seem. They met up with Annie again while doing more recon work, sitting in with the rest of the kids from Wall Maria and simply waiting until they were legally old enough to join Paradisia’s military.

-

After some careful thinking, they enlist in the Trainee Corps. The first day of training is relatively easy, but that’s not what bothered Bertolt. They met Eren. Eren came to him for help with the 3D Maneuverer Gear, and Reiner was dumb enough to ask this crazy boy why he entered the Trainee Corps, when they already know he came from Shiganshina, the first wall they destroyed.

“I want to enter the Survey Corps and kill all the titans.” Eren had a surprisingly firm resolve, disregarding his lack of skill in the 3DMG.

“Really? What drives you to do that?” Reiner shoots back, as if a challenge. “ _Please just shut up.”_ Bertolt thinks to himself. He can’t stand to hear what Eren will say, but if he leaves suddenly, Eren would think something’s up. So he sat and listened.

“My mother was killed when Shiganshina fell. A boulder from the broken wall landed on my house, pinning her down. I couldn’t save her.” Eren’s head hung low, trying to hide his tears while stopping them from falling. Bertolt couldn’t bear this guilt. His eyes glazed over for a moment, and he hopped off the bunk, walking back to his own bunk.

As he lay in the bunk, Bertolt is left with his own thoughts. _Is what I’ve done really worth it? Uprooting all these people’s lives? Even if I’m a warrior, I still have a conscience. Could I be considered a human after all that?_

As he ponders, he doesn’t notice Reiner enter the room, and climb up the bunk to face him. “Yo Bertolt. You okay? I saw how you reacted back there.” There’s no one else in the room, so neither of them are afraid of talking about what they’ve done. But Bertolt doesn’t want to talk about it.

“I’m fine.” He turns away from Reiner, to face the wall. He can’t let Reiner see him like this. What was up with him anyway? Why would he bother asking that Eren about the Shiganshina incident? Has Reiner gone soft? No, it can’t be. Reiner’s always been the one to remind Bertolt of their mission as warriors. There’s no way Reiner, of all people, would forget his identity as a warrior. At least, that’s what Bertolt likes to think.

Then came graduation day of the 104th Trainee Squad. The perfect opportunity to continue with their mission. He’d had a long talk with Reiner the night before, to calm both of them down. He remembered what Reiner had told him: “we’re warriors. No matter what, we’ll see our mission through to the end.” Sure, those words were comforting, but they had a hint of uncertainty in them. Like Reiner himself didn’t believe what he was saying. “Don’t worry Bert, I’ll be at the ready the moment you do your part.” Those were his final words before going to sleep, but it didn’t make Bertolt feel any better. It put him at more unease. Why would Reiner need to tell him that much? Was it to assure him? Or to assure himself? Is Reiner finally breaking under the stress? He didn’t know, he wanted to know, but Reiner being _Reiner_ , he’ll just brush it off saying “it’s nothing.” He wants to help, but he won’t do anything if Reiner doesn’t want to say anything first. For now, their mission takes priority.

-

So there they were, holed up in the Forest of Giant Trees. They’d finally gotten what they came for, the coordinate power, but they were both too exhausted from their ordeal to return home. What cruel irony. No words had been spoken since they’d perched themselves on a branch with the unconscious Eren and Ymir nearby, the silence was overwhelming. Finally, Reiner said something. “Bertolt, are we humans?” Nope. That isn’t what Bertolt wanted to hear right now.

“What do you think Reiner?” he would give a better answer if he could, but he didn’t know anymore. Bertolt doesn’t know what he is anymore.

“I don’t know. We’ve killed titans and humans, Bertolt. What does that make us? Are we soldiers, or warriors?” Reiner’s voice is breaking. It’s the first time Bertolt has seen such a thing. He knew Reiner had mental problems, fabricating memories of a soldier’s life, instead of his true warrior self. He was able to see it since they started military training. But he was never able to say anything, that’s just how he is. He wants to help, but he can’t.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m a monster. I’ve never been able to live with the guilt of our actions. I’ve tried to suppress it, but it keeps coming back at night. You’re the same way, aren’t you?” Damn, that came out wrong. Bertolt knows the message is there though. It’s up to Reiner to interpret the meaning of what he said.

“We’re monsters, Bert. That’s what we are. We’ve killed thousands without a second thought.” Reiner’s voice is grim, steady. That may or may not be a good sign, he’ll have to wait and see. “I thought that if I could feel some form of emotion, as a soldier, I would still be a human. Then I realized, no human would be able to kill so many humans without a second thought. It’s inhumane.”

“I guess you’re right. We are monsters. We’ve been that way since that day at Wall Maria.” That’s the hard truth. He’s accepted it, now Reiner has to, whether he likes it or not.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Reiner had turned his gaze towards him, trying to form a glare, but he can’t. Because he’s broken, Bertolt is the only one left who can understand him, he can’t afford to lose the one person he has left. Bertolt can see the pain behind those eyes.

“I guess not.” Bertolt lets out a little chuckle, more pain in it than laughter. “But we’ve always been together right?” he looks for Reiner’s expression. The look of realization, of shock in Reiner’s eyes is just what he wanted to see. “We’re in this together, Reiner. Even if we’re monsters, we’re monsters together.”

Bertolt watches as Reiner places a palm over his face, as his body begins to shake. Reiner can’t take it anymore. He’s finally broken, reduced to sobbing like a little child. Bertolt can’t stand this. He can’t stand that he can only watch as his best friend breaks down into tears, pressed against a tree trunk in the middle of a forest with titans surrounding them. He can’t stand to just watch. Instead, he does what he’s been waiting so long to do. Moving over so he can easily reach Reiner, he places an arm around his back. Rubbing his back slightly like comforting a child, it seems to work, Reiner’s sobbing has reduced a little. Their eyes meet, no words need to be spoken, because they both know what the other is thinking. _It’s finally over. We can go home, end this endless nightmare we’ve been living. We’re going home together Reiner, just as promised._

Then that Eren had to mess everything up. He was silent most of the time, but watching. Reiner’s already fragile mental state was being battered by Eren’s yelling, Ymir’s chiding, and well, he wasn’t doing anything about it. He’d step in if he felt necessary, but this is something Reiner would have to overcome on his own, whether he liked it or not. When Reiner slipped back into his delusion of a soldier’s life, he wanted to remind him of their identity as warriors. He didn’t want to bring up the conversation they had before Eren and Ymir had woken up. “You’re not a soldier, Reiner. We’re warriors.” He reminded again. He’d do it as many times necessary, for as long as it takes, to keep Reiner from going completely insane with double personas.

“You’re not soldiers, or warriors. You’re mass-murdering psychopaths.” Eren chides back. Bertolt wants to snap back and tell him they have a _very good_ reason for doing what they do, that’s it’s not all black and white. But he can’t, because he’s the soft-spoken guy. No one ever takes him seriously. He’d usually leave the talking up to Reiner, but with their current state, he has to bear both their weights on his shoulders. He had to grow up. It was his turn now, after Reiner had protected them both all those years. It was time for him to step up and be the big brother this time.

Annie was gone. Marcel was gone. It was just him and Reiner now, and Bertolt was going to make sure they both made it back to their home in one piece, regardless what price had to be paid.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: How was it? This was fun to write. I hope it was fun to read for you as well. I wrote it before the Uprising arc of the manga, and only managed to post it now, after editing it a little.  
> Please review, and have a nice day!


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